I’ve lived the lie for long enough. Of the lies to live with, whilst remaining covert, it may well be the easiest as its nature is hardly believable. I have hidden in plain sight for so long that, for much of the time, I not only believe the lie but forget that it is a lie. My disguise is as simple as it is thorough; to all appearances I am what I profess to be, but which I absolutely am not. Were my habits to be examined, my computer checked and the house searched I would pass muster with flying colours. For this impersonation to remain watertight it is essential that certain items, items that could not have another purpose, are present and conspicuous in one’s home or business setting and they are; each and every one. And yet, for all this careful subterfuge, I always knew that there would be a moment when a crack, a fissure, would appear in the delicate fabric from which this travesty was woven. And so it has; on this very morning in August I went through my morning ritual of making coffee for Jenny, feeding Molly the finest fillets of mackerel and it was then that I realised that I didn’t feel like a coffee at all. Not only did I not feel like a coffee this morning, I haven’t felt like a coffee in the morning, afternoon or evening for the last 50 years. It has been a ritual that I have performed with conviction for the better part of my adult life. Coffee with sugar, although I drank it like that for the majority of my coffee years, is a pointless beverage as the idea of coffee is that it should be an intense coffee experience, not a coffee and sugar experience that is only intense in unpleasantness. I have never been into any Starbuck or its ilk and do not propose to ever be the victim Caramafuckinglatte as long as I shall live. In the end coffee is not as good as it smells……this said, I shall undoubtedly reply “yes” to “Would you like a coffee”on, hopefully, many more occasions as it is part of a pleasant ritual between people at table. A coffee with Calvados or something similar can be good but, even better to my mind, without the coffee.