we are not going out….

Rarely has a script writer, wittingly or unwittingly, so completely nailed the zeitgeist. As an adolescent I was told with monotonous regularity that actions had consequences to which I paid scant heed, but that same meme today has become an imperative as opposed to a caution. Corralled within the confines of our home, the action of going out advised against, we virgins, unwonted to the rituals of home delivery, have been rudely deflowered. Accustomed to jotting our shopping list on small pads of paper on the kitchen table, which each of us would add to or edit in passing, we now sit together, eyes glued to the screen, deprived of a virtual pencil to jot ” flour” or “jam”, condemned to scrolling through the 80 or so alternatives of each product as the bald simplicity of “flour” or “jam” would elicit a digital “you’re ‘avin a larf”; 2 x 1kg type 65 Farine tous usages “Francine” might be something that would whet the software’s appetite to chew over and digest before replying with a polite hand over mouth burped “NON”: The situation being as it is there are more “Non”‘s than “Oui”s which makes it extraordinarily difficult to reach the required minimum, for home delivery, of 50€, an amount which, in the real world, is impossible to stay below; which means one is soon ordering any old bollocks as we’ve long forgotten planned recipes and economies and are completely focused on reaching the 50€ summit by any means achievable or, more precisely, by any products available with a limit of 2 on any single product; this is the North Face without ropes or oxygen and….we’re there, flag planted….VALIDER…hurrah!

But we’re not…we are so fucking not. A sheet ice wall of unavailable delivery dates looms above us until, suffering now from acute repetition injury, we achieve a delivery slot for 7.00 am in 10 days time. We have no idea what will be contained in the bags that will make up this delivery, as the term SUBSTITUTION is one we have come to know and fear, so it will be more like a tombola with the traditional snake replaced by an equally poisonous zeitgeis

About Food,Photography & France

Photographer and film maker living in France. After a long career in London, my wife and I have settled in the Vendee, where we run residential digital photography courses with a strong gastronomic flavour.
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11 Responses to we are not going out….

  1. Bizzy says:

    I tried the online thing this morning. Like you, I don’t want that food and there is not enough of it. I think I can hold out until Monday, at which time I will head out, attestation on the seat beside me, in hopes that at least one of the two decent markets is still open. We shall see.

  2. Roger,

    I feel for you. I have so far failed to get any supermarket to deliver to me, but was interested in what my PA (both of us are self-isolated) (not together) told me. She spent 8 hours on the Sainsbury site, adding the odd item to her shopping cart, before suddenly a window opened for the next three day’s deliveries. She managed to get one at midnight.

    The Dutch are doing this better. A friend in Amsterdam told me that her supermarket has a number (according to the size of the store) of shopping trolleys outside the store. Each person must take one — no sharing — and each person pays for whatever is in their trolley using a card. Then, you take the trolley back outside, disinfect it with the disinfectant provided, and the nest person is allowed into the store.

    Suzanne and I are fortunate that we have found local stores who will deliver.

    Ohm and we have lots of wine, gin and vodka.

    You and Jenny stay safe, James

    • Good hearing that all’s good with you. We can’t complain as it’s still pretty civilised here and despite the words of the blog we are very well supplied. Our life, in fact, hasn’t changed much and our carbon footprint has improved immeasurably🙏🍷🍷🍷🇫🇷

  3. Mad Dog says:

    I have to confess to going to Borough Market today. The St. John is now closed so I went to Bread Ahead for sourdough. Most of the stalls were open, but there were only about 20 people shopping in the entire market. It was like being on the Borough guest list!
    Take care and stay safe.

  4. Ardys says:

    Having just read an account of a woman who is caring for her 56 year old husband who has the virus at home, I’m very glad we are currently self-isolating. Our first delivery of food is to appear today, friends have previously shopped for us. I was only allowed to receive delivery service because we are seniors and self-isolating. Others are still having to go out. My friend who bought some groceries for us said two women were shopping at the same time and coughing their way around the store! That was when she gave me the recipe for decontaminating the fruit and veg!! It’s all pretty unnerving at times, though we are fine here in our little domicile. Very best to you.

  5. James Colledge says:

    Is this what you were looking for the other day?

    In these uncertain times, needs must. Seeing your last but one post (Roger v Roget), I grovelled in my virtual trash bin and found this carelessly and callously discarded there. The offending party really needs to do a better job of getting rib of the evidence…

    A sign of the times maybe: Liberal, we are so fucking not!

    Kind regards, James COLLEDGE j.colledge@yahoo.com jamescolledgephotography.com preserving-womersley.net +33 6 77 38 51 01

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