What to do with a pear….

In the words of Edward Izzard “…pears can fuck off..”; so often, as with apricots, who can also fuck off, this advice proves to be invaluable to the shopper who yearns to be satisfied by one fruit or another. How often have I arrived home from market, hopelessly aroused by the thought of sinking my teeth into the bum cheeks of a soft golden fruit that will spurt juice over my face and make me shout aloud that indeed I can get some satisfaction which climactic moment is denied me by the realisation that the mouthful of mealy mush that is activating my gag reflex is due to my foolish apprehension of incurring the wrath of the stall holder which prevented me from palpating the seductively curvaceous bottom of each and every apricot to confirm condition….and, the apricot having a flirtatious nature, even this test can so easily fail. The noble pear, bearer of such reputable names as Bon Chretien or Joséphine de Malines,  is no less capable of delivering crushing disillusionment. As Professor Izzard so wisely noted ” the fucker is only ripe for 30 seconds” which is why, much as I relish the idea of biting on a fresh and perfect pear, I tend to cook them.



About Food,Photography & France

Photographer and film maker living in France. After a long career in London, my wife and I have settled in the Vendee, where we run residential digital photography courses with a strong gastronomic flavour.
This entry was posted in 2017, Cookery Writers, Cooking, desserts, Digital photography, food, Food and Photography, Food photographer, Fruit, Pears, Photography, Recipes, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to What to do with a pear….

  1. I think it was Susan Calman who said, “You bring a pear home from the market, you encourage it for a week waiting for it to ripen, then you leave the room for five minutes . . .”

  2. Mad Dog says:

    Ha ha – that’s right, get it drunk and take advantage of it 😉

  3. Divine. Do you love pears as much as you love peaches? I have always believed you had a robust maybe even earthy appreciation of peaches.

  4. Ardys says:

    Right on all counts, Roger. Funny because it is so true.

  5. Eha says:

    What very ‘inspired’ writing to accompany a perfect still-life photo . . . 🙂 !!

  6. catterel says:

    Get thee behind me Satan, with these wicked recipes – oh no, you can’t, my bum’s too big! I’ll never lose weight as long as I keep coming back here.

  7. scarletclark says:

    Fifty shades of fruit…

  8. Francesca says:

    A whole bottle of Beaujolais? Do they deserve this? I tend to cook pears too, usually using some ‘box; wine’ which, when combined with sugar and the odd aromatic, suffices. And yes, such wonderful names, promising more than they deliver.

    • My pears were treated to half a bottle of Guigal Cotes du Rhone with tap water added… because it was there and I find heavy wines too much for my quaffing.. my palate has become used to lighter wines and my wallet to cheaper wines. The pear names were pulled out of the hat for the fuck of it.. I eat Williams and Conference….and I really love good pears.. because they’re worth it😎

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