Strike over a lack of conductors…..


French lightning conductor…..current model

The after effects of yesterday’s storm have been apocalyptic. I use the term advisedlyas, apart from the expected mayhem, it appears that the storm has temporarily bent various, previously immutable, physical laws to its will, of which more later. Electricity, water and ice contrived to flash, dash and crash from the heavens in a wilful demonstration of celestial spleen which revealed an unforeseen quality in our newly built préau, being that of a well perforated colander.Standing beneath the colander brought to mind how Hawkeye remained hidden from view, behind a waterfall, from Chingachgook’s Mohicans whilst a small fragment of my shattered sanity remembered that Hawkeye had been grateful for the fortunate presence of a waterfall whereas I was not; at that point there was a loud bang which suggested that I had been shot by one of the Mohicans, who, to be honest, I thought we had seen the last of, but the lack of cordite in the air led me to the fact that lightning had once again struck in the same place and had blown up my office. Ever the pessimist, how lucky was I to find that it had only grilled my computer, the telephone and the internet…hard to get luckier than that. My luck continued to such an extent that, as I reached hurriedly for the car keys on their wall hook, I was lucky enough to witness an example of either auto kinetics or a slight tilt in the earth’s axis as the keys fell from my grasp and landed, not neatly but with a fucking great splash, in the bowl of cat’s milk that I’m sure had not previouslybeen directly beneath them. Finding pessimism too depressing, even for such a curmudgeon as myself, I optimistically set off to the nearest large town to replace the frazzled router.The queue outside the ill named Orange (henceforth to be known as Orage) Boutique was very long indeed.Each of us in that Orage queue cradled a dead Livebox in our arms which, when alive, will serve as a conduit to the treasure trove that is the sum of man’s knowledge and when dead will not; rather it will act as a conduit to the darkest recesses of of our minds wherein abide the three imps of impatience, impotence and imprecation. As I stood there, deballed, the oh so nearly smiling Orage sales person advised our beleaguered line that there would be no more Liveboxes available until the end of the day…which information, it was clearly evident, was not a crowd pleaser leading her to hurriedly lock the Boutique’s portal as it looked as though the tumbrils might roll once more down la rue de la République……there maywell be trouble in store.


About Food,Photography & France

Photographer and film maker living in France. After a long career in London, my wife and I have settled in the Vendee, where we run residential digital photography courses with a strong gastronomic flavour.
This entry was posted in 2016, Digital photography, Photography, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Strike over a lack of conductors…..

  1. Sue says:

    Oh quelle horreur! I have to shamefacedly say that you had me laughing so much at your prose that I got hiccups…. You certainly tell a great story

  2. Misky says:

    And here I am snarling at a bit of gentle rain the some poet probably proclaimed as being soft as a fawn’s bottom. Would you kindly share of those bottles from the other photo, please?

  3. Mad Dog says:

    Mon dieu, quelle horage!

    • excellent piece of Franglais ……of which my favourite is “mise en scene” = there are mice in the river:)

      • Mad Dog says:

        I’ve been trying to think of good response to that Franglais (which is excellent), but my head is full for Spanish and I struggled to find decent French when I got introduced to a nice French lady today. I hope tomorrow will be better as I’m doing lunch for some Catalans, Scandinavians, Dutch, Welsh, American, Argentinians and English!
        I’ll be cooking babel fish 😉
        Hopefully no one too political…

      • Hope your wish comes true…but it’s about as likely as the UN being unpolitical! There was another fractured French expression that I liked “papier maché” = father has been run over by a truck:)…have a good lunch

      • Mad Dog says:

        Excellent! Aside from the Franglais, I really love the verlan, where all the French words are reversed and now some of the reversed words are reversed back.

  4. bizzyella says:

    I’d feel bad for you but I’m too busy laughing. Glad to see you did finally get a new box.

  5. ardysez says:

    Your great inconvenience has produced a very entertaining story. Sorry for your experience but bwa-ha-ha-haaaa 😆

  6. Eha says:

    Oh may I join in the general laughter: you do have us friends with an odd sense of humour, don’t you 😀 ? Perchance you tell the tale TOO well ? For some odd reason I do have a desktop computer, a smartphone now working [did not like 4G, just loves 3G and will do anything for me 🙂 !] and a landline but all somehow work without a router – so nought to fry up!!!!! [Oh, do assiduously disconnect all at the first sound of thunder!] . . . . sugar, hope nothing was permanently damaged!!

    • You have to laugh…I never understand why lightning conductors leading the strike to earth are not a standard fixture on houses in an area that has a goodly share of electric storms. What’s frustrating is that I had unplugged everything before the storm arrived, SAVE for the ethernet into my computer which was still running as Photoshop was taking so long to close….I should have just dumped the picture…that’ll teach me not to care about my pictures…NO IT WON’T:)

  7. Oh my! It’s good to keep a sense of humor in a crisis, as one often has to do :). ps. Don’t get me started on the horrors of “Orage” – we’ve replaced our box over and over!

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