I blame longitude for the problem. The problem that I refer to is the intensely enervating sensation that comes upon me when I watch hyper enthusiastic television presenters being “excited” about everything and anything. Why am I looking at them at all, you may ask, and I refer you to my opening words. I am in the habit of watching the early evening news on television which affords me little pleasure but gives me a chance to shout abuse and obscenities at influential people without appearing before the beak. Because of this affectation I tend to be alone when watching as Jenny wisely finds more pressing things to do in another room. Were I to be watching the 6 o’clock news in England there would not be a problem as I would never be watching it. As it is, I’m watching the 6 o’clock news in France which is shown at the more sensible time of 7 o’clock which means that I will be watching and berating as I go back and forth from the kitchen where I will have started to prepare supper which will be eaten at about 9 o’clock. As the hour of the news ends so begins a maniacal half hour of non stop talking, teeth and laughter ….laughter that has to be dragged from its hiding place like tree stumps or wisdom teeth by presenters clinging on to their livelihoods whilst glum talented folk watch from the sofa awaiting the cue that will allow them to fulfill their agents’ demand of promoting their latest offering. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights I stare with a dreadful fascination at the bollocks unfolding on the screen. Sometimes I am saved by the smell of burning from the kitchen which brings me to my senses and lets me escape the Medusa experience. Yesterday, a wunderkind chef was beating a snare drum as child chefs presented their labour saving ideas for the kitchen and I, in my turn was beaten and snared. One of the ideas involved removing the green bit from the top of a strawberry by inserting a drinking straw at the pointed apex of the fruit and pushing upwards , as in the photo above…brilliant. I was excited……but only for a moment.