One fine morning…..not

I, like Caesar before me, walked out into the ruins of what was, but yesterday evening, a garden in the full pomp of June flowering.  On surveying the flattened, flowerless, green mayhem Caesar would have addressed his trembling gardeners in that unnerving timbre of voice that is reserved for the insane and powerful that walk amongst us :

” What in the fuck has happened to my garden?”

and they would have replied as one:

“Hail, Caesar”

I, unlike Caesar, did not have the benefit of having in my employ a group of gardeners to execute in a hideous way for spoiling my morning. It’s unfair, but pleasures like that can only be enjoyed  by insane tyrants. This snail, however, is delighted by the bounty that has fallen unexpectedly from the heavens, thus saving him an arduous slime up the tree. I shall have to dig deep into those chicken entrails to work out my next move, but it already looks like like  brooms, shovels and wheelbarrows will cross my path.


About Food,Photography & France

Photographer and film maker living in France. After a long career in London, my wife and I have settled in the Vendee, where we run residential digital photography courses with a strong gastronomic flavour.
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36 Responses to One fine morning…..not

  1. Mad Dog says:

    Ha ha – it looks like a good day to buy some oatmeal and go foraging 😉

  2. Or you could buy some beer, drown the buggers in some of it and drink the rest….?! never though a snail could look so beautiful!

  3. Ah, the cry of an almost-defeated gardener. I am all too familiar…

  4. I was also going to suggest beer, but someone beat me to it. Worked wonders for us.

    Or you could catch them and have a version of escargot……..

    • Getting the snails pissed, nice idea that it is, isn’t going to repair the damage done to the garden from the most almighty hail storm that we have encountered since we’ve been here. It’s like a vandal came into the garden and smashed each flower individually.Mother Nature can be very harsh when she wants 🙂

  5. Uh-oh. Not the best time to remind you how lucky you are to live in French climes 😉 Chin up, at least you got a great snail photo out of it!

  6. Tell Caesar his floral army will rise again.

  7. I’m just enjoying the photo of this snail – you made it look beautiful 😉

  8. A friend was explaining to me the other day how to prepare snails for eating, feeding them wild rosemary and thyme for a month….you may need some other food in the meantime, though.

  9. Michelle says:

    Oh hail. Nice photo of the snail though.

  10. So, am I to understand that the nefarious snail was not the cause of the floral mayhem? But only the beneficiary? Who came, who saw and who conquered then??

  11. Eha says:

    Well three may be a crowd BUT beer really does work – Roger: they die happy: win/win 🙂 !!!!

  12. ChgoJohn says:

    I can’t afford to employ a group either, Roger. Was slavery really that bad?

  13. No! Not snails! They are terrible in gardens. =(

  14. My mind immediately thinks of Mel Brooks. “It’s good to be the king!”

  15. Karen says:

    I’m so sorry that your lovely garden was destroyed by hail. I say all the time that Mother Nature is not very kind and yet so many people speak warmly about “her”.

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