A toast to Charley Sheen…….

“Could you stop your honeysuckle from growing over my vine?” was the question that was nearly as irritating as the poem about ducks on Radio 4 that had set my teeth on edge just before the insane Frenchwoman knocked on our door and spoke those words to me in her own tongue. I nodded, in my own tongue, and shut the door before that tongue could start haranguing her out of the hamlet. If I tore up both plants by the root I could put a stop to their intermingling, but otherwise they’re going to mingle like nature intended. Prune as I will, the chances of a rampant honeysuckle and an untended vine, which both cling to separate sides of the same ancient wall, not clinging together in a honeyed and vinous embrace are as likely as Charley Sheen passing up on the offer of identical blonde twins who beg to be his sex slaves. There is also the problem that the gate that would give me access to her vine is firmly padlocked against any inroads that might be made by le sal rosbif – that’s me. At last the duck couplets have stopped and someone is now quietly reading an unlikely story about Spain and billions of Euros which could well be called the Spanish Imposition. It’s nearly as fanciful as the demands of la folle bergere (she of the crasy demand is also the rightful, yet absent, guardian of the two sheep next door that we have befriended and to whom we feed brioche and bread which is of no use to them nutrionally but, like humans, they don’t give a toss about that and beg for more.) I am now going to calm myself with toast.

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About Food,Photography & France

Photographer and film maker living in France. After a long career in London, my wife and I have settled in the Vendee, where we run residential digital photography courses with a strong gastronomic flavour.
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31 Responses to A toast to Charley Sheen…….

  1. Mad Dog says:

    Perhaps la folle dame would like some toast too 😉

  2. Toast yourself with a nice Chinon.

  3. spree says:

    Here here! A toast to toast & to co-mingling vines!

  4. She is most definitely a Folle Dame if she´s asking you to do that! Let her eat toast I say!

  5. This is wonderful!!!! I just calmed myself with some Assam Banaspaty Tea, toasted English Muffin and Strawberry jam!

  6. And that toast looks well deserved. Such dealings with neighbours has a universal undertone 🙂

  7. ChgoJohn says:

    Whoever wrote “Good fences make good neighbors” knew nothing of twisted vines. Well, at least you had toast. Some days, that’s enough.

  8. I’m going to adopt the term Spanish Imposition

  9. Yvette says:

    I wish to share this Readers Appreciation Award with you. See details on my blog here:
    http://yvettesblogs.com/2012/06/11/how-gratitude-can-change-your-day/
    I understand if your time is limited on writing a post. I enjoy reading and following your blog. x

  10. peasepudding says:

    Ah neighbours, we had a dovecote which the neighbours insisted we took down…stinky birds they said pooing everywhere. We took the dovecote down knowing they are birds of habit, they still home where they are familiar, instead on the neighbours roof….karma

  11. Oh boy does that marmalade look good. Am I missing the point? Well sure, but I want the jam, toast be darned.

  12. I’d take honeysuckle over the obnoxious bamboo our neighbor planted anytime! The stuff would have taken over the entire neighborhood if we hadn’t stopped it in our yard. Unbelievably invasive.

    Your photo brings back fond memories of a summer in France.

  13. I find it hilarious that you made reference to Charlie Sheen. I find him exceedingly irritating.

  14. Roger, I needed this chuckle. Honeysuckle grows everywhere here: I shall not be able to view it from now on without recalling Charley Sheen and his sex slaves, and two brioche munching sheep.
    Ah, yours is a lovely life 🙂

  15. Michelle says:

    Too funny! Actually, when neighbors are involved, there’s much to be said for (mostly) speaking different languages. At least you can feign ignorance as to what they’re griping about. Lucky sheep, though—at least so long as you stick with the brioche and leave the secateurs at home. (Beautiful brioche, buerre and confiture!)

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